Rekindle Your Love By Remembering

Ways to keep the Love Alive in your Marriage

Valentine’s Day is over. The candies and decorations have gone on clearance. We have all gone back to our normal, not so romantic lives. But that doesn’t mean we should let that spirit of love slip away.

According to the CDC, the divorce rate here in the USA is right at 50%. For every 1000 people, 6.8 will get married, and 3.4 will get divorced. Those statistics are so sad, and I think it shows how important it is to work on your marriage. I just want to say, before I go any further, that I fall into those statistics. I got pregnant and married in high school, and unfortunately that marriage ended in divorce. I know the heartache that comes with a family falling apart. I am determined to not let that happen with my marriage again.

I would hope that half of all people who go to the marriage altar aren’t expecting to end up divorced a few years later. Yet that is what happens. Life gets in the way. We have jobs, kids, numerous other obligations that take time away from connecting with our spouses. Often times, relationships between husband and wife are left on the back burner to simmer out and dry up. Sometimes we don’t even realize there’s a problem until we see the smoke.

How can we prevent our marriages from falling apart? I think a key is to remember why we fell in love in the first place.

Do you remember the first time you laid eyes on your husband? How about the first time you had a conversation? What about your first date?

Did you have butterflies in your tummy and have a hard time figuring out what to say? Were you constantly checking yourself in the mirror to make sure you looked your best?

How about the first time he looked in your eyes and said he loved you? I’ll bet it was a momentous occasion that you played over and over again in your head, smiling every time you thought of it.

It’s so important to recapture that feeling in your marriage now, long after the novelty has worn off. What did you and your husband like to do together when you first met? I remember that we used to go the 7-11, get Slurpees and beef jerky, and go to the park and play basketball. Sometimes we would throw a softball around. Even now, when we play around outside we get that flirty behavior back and really enjoy each others company. Make an effort to bring back memories of the early days of your love. Even just talking about when we first met will soften my heart to him and make me love him more.

Do you notice that your are cuddling with your man less? I know that when we first got together, we used to always sit close to each other, lay by each other, and cuddle-whether we were watching a movie or just hanging out. Now that we are married with 5 kids, he has his spot on the couch and I have mine. We don’t cuddle as much as we used to. I think we are both just so tired at the end of our busy days that we just want to zone out and unwind. But touch is so important! When we cuddle, our brains release love hormones, and decrease stress. Oxytocin is released, deepening the bond between two people. Our marriages need cuddle time! Make it a point to cuddle with your man more.

What are some other ways that you keep the love alive in your marriage? I would love to hear about them in the comments.

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  • Meredith Elizabeth

    I enjoyed your take on this subject. I would add that remembering could be a daily (hourly) discipline. =) I think that expecting change and expecting differences helps to make marriage to be evergreen and to thrive.

    I resonate with the fact that your profile says that you are “a redeemed child of God.” Rock on~

    • Miranda Gonzalez

      You are so right! There are definitely days where I need to remind my self constantly of why we fell in love! As long as I can put away my pride and focus on US instead of ME, it usually turns out okay.

  • Kimberly

    Love this post. With kids and work, it can be so hard to give our significant other the attention and love they need but we NEED to do it! My hubby and I have been making a point to cuddle and snuggle more and it really does bring us closer together! We also try to have a date night (even if it’s pizza and a movie on our couch) without the kids once a month. Just one night to ourselves to focus on eachother!

    • Miranda Gonzalez

      I love pizza and a movie date night! We try to hang out at least a couple nights a week when the kids are in bed, and we have been able to go out about twice a month on a dinner date. We are lucky in that our oldest is a teenager so she is able to babysit for us sometimes!

  • Angie Agerter

    What a great post. I know Jason and I tend to stay on our side of the couch too and do our things. Cuddling is so important. Just touching in general. It’s so easy to forget though!

  • Melissa M. Miller

    We have a similar history. I did not realize this.

    For me and my future husband and partner for life, I’ve learned a lot from my previous marriage and other long-term relationships in between.

    All of the things I felt were lacking in previous relationships kinda come naturally to us, but when they don’t we talk about it. We talk. That’s one of the most important things we do in our relationship.

    Cuddling is definitely important. The moment I realized we started claiming couch spots, I decided I’d call my hunny over for some cuddle time on the couch when he’s watching TV and I’m either doing my thing on the computer or lounging on the couch,

    The other thing that’s super important to both of us is dinner at the dinner table versus scattering around the house. I learned to play a little game called highs and lows from one of my favorite movies, The Story of Us. Everyone shares their high and low for the day.

    We also connect by cooking with each other.

    Another thing we love to do is play games together, whether they be board games or dancing to the Kinect games (don’t tell him I told you that, LOL). Plus, we also tried an at-home salsa dancing DVD series.

    I have so many ideas and so many things we do. I hope they last the test of time. We haven’t even been together for a year, but the amount of time we’ve actualy spent “TOGETHER” far exceeds the amount of quality time I’ve ever spent in a relationship, including my last 6-year relationship.

    • Miranda Gonzalez

      You’re right, eating dinner together is so important for family relationships! We always try to eat around the table-the only exception being Sunday football when my hubby eats on the couch ;-)

      Playing games is a big one too! What kind of salsa dancing DVD do you have? I would love to get that for my hubby and I. We’ve talked for years about taking salsa lessons.

      I haven’t seen The Story of Us, I may have to look into watching that.

      Thanks for commenting! :-)

      • Melissa M. Miller

        I reviewed Salsa Dance Mastery (on my old site). I’ll send you the link through Facebook. Travis actually got into it! He’s good at picking stuff up really easily.

        The Story of Us is one of my favorite movies. It’s not really a “happy” movie per se, but I love it.

  • Shauna Lynn

    My husband and I will be married 13 years in August. I’m never going to say its easy and sometimes I wonder if we got married too quickly, too young, etc. But just when I’m ready to give up something pulls us back together. Life is amazing that way. Leave everything to God and you will never have to worry, easier said than done for sure.

    • Miranda Gonzalez

      Putting God in the center of your relationship definitely gives perspective and hope!

      Marriage can be so hard! That’s why it’s so important to never stop working on it. My husband and I have been together almost 11 years, and there were definitely some times I never thought it would last. But we are stronger now for making it through.

      Thanks so much for stopping by!

  • bluecottonmemory

    After 32 years married – He’s still my best friend – and the wisest man I know. I think focusing on strengths is such a key – and not falling prey to this sad cultural practice of treating men like dunderheads. I think we avoid treating each other as cliches! As the nest empties of our 5 boys (we’re down to 2) – there is definitely more cuddle time!

    • Miranda Gonzalez

      Wow 32 years! Congratulations!!!! You don’t hear that too often now a days, unfortunately. I hope to one day be able to say that.

      I totally agree, it is so horrible how our society wants to belittle husbands and fathers. I’ve even fallen in to the trap before :-( treating each other with love and respect is so important!

      We have 5 kids right now too! We are right in the thick of it though, with a 2 month old baby. I couldn’t even imagine when they leave the nest. I don’t know what I will do with all my time, but extra cuddle time sounds good ;-)

      Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting.

  • Tina M Wright

    Visiting via Grace & Truth :)

    My husband and I have been together 13 years and married 11 as of this November. We’ve had our share of ups and downs, but I can honestly say he is still the love of my life and best friend.

    There is wisdom in the suggestion you provided, to recapture the initial moments and feelings from when you first met. My husband is usually the one to initiate that type of reminiscing. While I usually come across as playing along just to humor him, if I’m going to be honest, I look forward to and cherish the fact that he does that.

    I enjoyed reading your thoughts on this subject, Miranda. Thank you for sharing with us your personal experience and prompting us to rekindle and keep alive the love in our marriage!

    • Miranda Gonzalez

      That is so sweet that your husband initiates the remembering! He must really love you :-)

      Congratulations on over a decade of marriage, and thanks so much for stopping by!

  • Mary

    Great reminders of how to rekindle and keep the fires burning in your marriage. Thank you for linking up at The Weekend Brew.

    • Miranda Gonzalez

      Thanks so much for hosting!

  • Jo

    Thanks this was great! We like playing games right before bed, in bed if I may say so! But our kids go to bed at 7pm and then we have the evening together. Also I schedule out babysitters each month for at least 3 Saturdays, even if nothing is planned. A few hours out together rekindles both of us <3 Loved your candid perspective and your style is very easy to read and follow. You have a great gift of communication.

    • Miranda Gonzalez

      Thank you so much! We try to get out a couple times a month as well, even if it’s just for a gelato and a walk :-)

  • Brittany M

    This is beautiful. It sometimes is easy to forget some of the little things that really brought you and your spouse close. I love going down memory lane, and laughing and joking about the stuff we used to do. My husband is still my best friend. We could be doing absolutely nothing, but just being together is awesome. I truly feel blessed to have married my best friend. Great post! Thanks for sharing #shinebloghop

    • Miranda Gonzalez

      Thank you so much for commenting! It’s so nice hearing about good marriages!

  • Anne Dahlhauser

    Just recently, we started setting aside time one day a week for lunch together – which has been great. It gives us a chance to catch up before the kids get home from school and conversation becomes impossible. Thanks for this post and its reminder to focus on our marriages. I appreciate it! And thanks for linking up at Front Porch Inspired’s #FPConversations. I hope you can stop by again tomorrow!

    • Miranda Gonzalez

      Lunch dates are fun! I enjoy spending time with my hubby in the middle of the day too before we’re too tired.

  • Jennifer Clarke

    You’ve shared some important keys to maintaining a happy marriage. It’s so important to simply enjoy each other, isn’t it? I appreciate your encouragement for wives! Thanks for linking up at Grace & Truth!

    • Miranda Gonzalez

      It is so important! Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

  • Sheila Kimball

    Loved your reminders about remembering the sweet stuff! Thanks. And like you, I am divorced and with my husband work hard to make this marriage all that God wants it to be! Found you at #MessyMarriage

    • Miranda Gonzalez

      Thanks so much for stopping by! It’s hard not to carry all the baggage forward from previous relationships, but God wants us to be happy in the marriage we are in (at least I think so). It’s so good to focus on the sweet!

      • Sheila Kimball

        He does indeed want us to be happy in our present marriages…marriage is a gift! And a blessing :) Have a fun weekend.

  • Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom

    Love this! Hugs, snuggles, cuddles, and kisses are so important in our marriage. Plus deep eye contact can do wonders… butterflies all over again.

    Thanks for sharing (and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop).

    Wishing you a lovely weekend.

    • Miranda Gonzalez

      Yes, eye contact is so important!

  • Kristen from The Road to Domes

    Such a sweet post! We actually spent Valentine’s Day re-creating our first day – so special! Thanks for joining us at the #HomeMattersParty – we hope to see you again next week! Feel free to bring a friend with you :) Happy Friday! #TGIF

  • Karren Haller

    I love what Jennifer said about deep eye contact, and cuddling and hugs are important even if only for a few minutes, it is so important.

    Thanks for sharing on the Oh My Heartsie Girl Friday Feature this week. I have pinned to our party board!!

    Hope you have a great weekend,

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