Purity and High School Sweethearts

Purity.

This is a word I had absolutely no concept of 5 years ago–at least not when it came to a lifestyle choice.

And then we started going to church and my oldest daughter and her friends started vowing their purity to God and their future husbands. Although it was a completely foreign concept to me, I appreciated that my daughter had made the choice to save her body and her love for only one man.

I might have benefited from such a concept had I ever heard about it in my pre-teen and teenage years. A 16-year-old girl who hadn’t “been” with a guy was out of the ordinary in my school, or at least in my group of friends. I know that nowadays it is getting even younger with 12 and 13 year old’s having serious relationships.

Recently I went to a rodeo at my husband’s old high school. It was a fun time, and you can read the first post in this series here. While there, we went into one of the classrooms that had an art show. There were also team sports pictures and awards from all previous years. Of course, my husband wanted to show off his accomplishments to me.

I sat down to nurse the baby, and started looking through some old yearbooks. My teenage daughter had told me there was a letter from him to his high school girlfriend but I wasn’t looking for that, so I just casually was reading through all the notes from his Senior class. My husband caught on to what I was looking for pretty quick and came over. He told me not to worry about it, it was a long time ago before him and I had even met. I knew he was right so I put it down and we went outside to make our way back over to the rodeo.

The thing is, I know his ex-girlfriend. I met her shortly after he and I started dating because we ended up taking the same class at college. I’ve met some of her family and she is a sweet girl who now has a family of her own. I wasn’t really jealous of their past relationship…I guess more curious as to what he may have wrote to her. Which is foolishness. I shouldn’t be comparing my relationship to anyone else’s, especially not one from his past.

I certainly have a past as well, and was even married and have a child from that relationship. I know how meaningless anything I would have written to my ex would be now. But still I was looking…

Later on, when we were back at my husband’s aunt’s house, my daughter and her cousin came over to me, giggling, and showed me a picture on her iPod. I looked at it–and there it was. The girls had taken a picture of his yearbook letter to his high school sweetheart. I don’t remember it all, but the last part that said “PS…you will always be the love of my life.” I just shook my head and wished not only that I hadn’t seen that, but that my teenage daughter wouldn’t have either.

Later I was teasing my husband about it. I told him I wanted to go get some coffee, because it was the love of my life. He looked at me like I was crazy and told me that he was young and that the children and I are the true loves of his life. I know we are. Him and I have been together for 11 years and have went through good and bad times. We are in it for the long haul and I know it is silly to even bring up the past.

But what if neither one of us had those things in our past?

If we had given our whole hearts to each other without all the past hurt and baggage.

If our children looked into our past’s to only find letters to each other, and not to other people.

I know neither of us can go back and change it. And really, even if we could I doubt we would. Our past experiences have made us the people we are today.

But I sure do want better for my children. I want their first loves to be their one and only loves that will last a lifetime. I am so very thankful my oldest daughter has vowed her purity, and I hope my other children will when the time comes as well. I will be open with them, and support them in any way I can. So maybe one day my grandchildren don’t open up yearbooks or old shoe boxes to find love letters from someone other than their mom or dad.

As an adult, I know I would have benefited from keeping my purity. With relationships come break-ups and betrayal. Then as adults we have baggage and past hurts that get carried over into all our future relationships. If you’ve ever been cheated on or mistreated, you know what I’m talking about. Something innocent could cause a fight, just because you’re expecting the same treatment.

When teenagers and young adults have lots of relationships, they become jaded and just don’t have as much of their heart to give when they do finally settle down and get married to “the one.” And then because we are so used to just breaking up with someone, we don’t know how to work things out. Divorce is so prevalent now, and I think a factor could be that we as a society just don’t put the time into our relationships anymore because we have become so accustomed to moving on when things get tough.

If you are a parent, have you talked to your children about purity and relationships? Or as a parent, would you want your children to walk the same path as you?

Have you talked to your children about purity and relationships?
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Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.”

-Proverbs 5:18


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  • http://www.journeysingrace.com/ Dawn

    This is a discussion that has happened enough in my house that my children know the depth of my desire for them to understand its importance. Having teenagers who are wrestling with hormones and the difficulties of life at this stage is often a tricky dance, but they know Truth and that makes my heart feel a bit of peace. I, too, wish I had heard the things I am telling them now when I was their age. That just makes my message a little more heartfelt. And rather than be hypocritical and harsh, I am trying to be open and graceful so that they can see that obedience to God’s way is the best way. :)

    Thanks for sharing!
    Blessings,
    Dawn

    • https://rahabtoriches.com/ Miranda Gonzalez

      I totally understand not wanting to be hypocritical. But I think if you share your heart it won’t come across like that. My teen knows I don’t want her doing the things I did, but she also knows reasons why. It sounds like yours do too.

      Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting!

  • Darby Dugger

    Oh goodness! I have been there… heck, I’m still there. Thanks for sharing this… glad to know I’m not the only one. I let pointless words of the past ruin my present.

    • https://rahabtoriches.com/ Miranda Gonzalez

      It is so hard! But it’s worth it to work at leaving the past in the past. The only thing it can do it steal your joy.

  • Ruthie Gray

    I’m so glad for the rich forgiveness our Savior provides, aren’t you? He can turn rags to riches, and I’m so thankful. My oldest participated in a purity service and we gave her a ring as a reminder. She said it was a great help to spur her on to purity. Thank you for your post today on Women with Intention link up, I’m your neighbor!

    • https://rahabtoriches.com/ Miranda Gonzalez

      We gave my daughter a ring as well. I think it does serve as a great reminder and incentive!

  • http://www.kimadamsmorgan.com Kim Adams Morgan

    There are so many times when our past comes crashing into our present. If only our younger selves could understand this when we are making choices. If we could somehow hit pause and think about how our actions might come back around 15-20-30 years from now. But of course we never have that insight. We can only pass on this wisdom to our children and hope they listen. I’ve been here. Stopping in from Messy Marriage.

    • https://rahabtoriches.com/ Miranda Gonzalez

      Yes! I so wish I had the insight and forward planning skills that I have now as a teenager. But you live, you learn. This is why I am so open with my children about my past. I want them to learn from my mistakes instead of have to repeat them.

      Thank you very much for stopping in!

  • http://www.buildinglifeslibrary.wordpress.com Amy M

    I love the way you treat this topic! I don’t want my children to grow up to see purity as a legalistic set of rules that they must follow…or else! There really is a reason behind everything we believe and I want them to know that Truth. I am fortunate in that I don’t have a real romantic past besides my husband, but I know that this is rare even in Christian circles. I guess, at the end of the day, I want to teach that God forgives but that the choices we make now can affect our entire families later on.

    • https://rahabtoriches.com/ Miranda Gonzalez

      I have found that rules often make us want to break them. My mom had a rule of no dating, but there was no “why” behind it, so I rebelled hard core against it and ended up pregnant at 15. I want my children to know why so they can create their own convictions and beliefs instead of being forced into mine or trying to piggy-back on mine. My pastor says “Rules without a relationship breeds rebellion” and it is so true.

      I am thankful you stopped in and took the time to comment, and glad you enjoyed my take on purity. Hope to see you around again.

      • http://www.buildinglifeslibrary.wordpress.com Amy M

        “Rules without a relationship breeds rebellion” – Yes. This. Very wise words from your pastor!

  • Alyssa Thys

    I really appreciate your thoughts on this topic. I’m fortunate enough to be my husband’s only real relationship. I dated one other guy, something I regret because it was just an all-around bad decision. I treated relationship with caution–to the point of fear– growing up because I witnessed my parents divorce and my sister’s divorce at a young age. I want my kids to treat relationships and marriage as the serious things that they are. They’re not trivial as our society might lead us to believe. But I don’t want my kids to be afraid, like I was.

    • https://rahabtoriches.com/ Miranda Gonzalez

      That is sad to have witnessed so many divorces at such a young age. I also went through my parent’s divorce when I was young…but it didn’t make me fearful, it made me rebellious. Fear may have been better in my case, unfortunately.

      You are so right, relationships are not trivial, and I believe it is our responsibility as parents to teach our children and to model that for them.

      Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting!

  • Kristen Johnson

    Great post! God’s plan for purity really is the best way! Great perspective . Thanks for sharing. Visiting from #graceandtruth.

  • Tania Vaughan

    A great post – My passion is talking to women about Purity and relationships – great job encouraging parents to chat to their kids :)

    • https://rahabtoriches.com/ Miranda Gonzalez

      What a great passion! I would love to hear more about that!

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

  • aprilaakre

    no I would not want my children to follow the same path as me. I do think that my past relationships before my husband helped me to be the person I am today and also taught me what I really wanted out of a relationship. I haven’t talked to my kids about purity yet they are too young but we plan on it when they get old enough. I agree that way to many people get divorced and just give up. Marriage isn’t easy but if is worth every struggle to stay married to your best friend. Plus it is such a great example for your kids to see.