This is a word I had absolutely no concept of 5 years ago–at least not when it came to a lifestyle choice.
And then we started going to church and my oldest daughter and her friends started vowing their purity to God and their future husbands. Although it was a completely foreign concept to me, I appreciated that my daughter had made the choice to save her body and her love for only one man.
I might have benefited from such a concept had I ever heard about it in my pre-teen and teenage years. A 16-year-old girl who hadn’t “been” with a guy was out of the ordinary in my school, or at least in my group of friends. I know that nowadays it is getting even younger with 12 and 13 year old’s having serious relationships.
Recently I went to a rodeo at my husband’s old high school. It was a fun time, and you can read the first post in this series here. While there, we went into one of the classrooms that had an art show. There were also team sports pictures and awards from all previous years. Of course, my husband wanted to show off his accomplishments to me.
I sat down to nurse the baby, and started looking through some old yearbooks. My teenage daughter had told me there was a letter from him to his high school girlfriend
but I wasn’t looking for that, so I just casually was reading through all the notes from his Senior class. My husband caught on to what I was looking for pretty quick and came over. He told me not to worry about it, it was a long time ago before him and I had even met. I knew he was right so I put it down and we went outside to make our way back over to the rodeo.
The thing is, I know his ex-girlfriend. I met her shortly after he and I started dating because we ended up taking the same class at college. I’ve met some of her family and she is a sweet girl who now has a family of her own. I wasn’t really jealous of their past relationship…I guess more curious as to what he may have wrote to her. Which is foolishness. I shouldn’t be comparing my relationship to anyone else’s, especially not one from his past.
I certainly have a past as well, and was even married and have a child from that relationship. I know how meaningless anything I would have written to my ex would be now. But still I was looking…
Later on, when we were back at my husband’s aunt’s house, my daughter and her cousin came over to me, giggling, and showed me a picture on her iPod. I looked at it–and there it was. The girls had taken a picture of his yearbook letter to his high school sweetheart. I don’t remember it all, but the last part that said “PS…you will always be the love of my life.” I just shook my head and wished not only that I hadn’t seen that, but that my teenage daughter wouldn’t have either.
Later I was teasing my husband about it. I told him I wanted to go get some coffee, because it was the love of my life. He looked at me like I was crazy and told me that he was young and that the children and I are the true loves of his life. I know we are. Him and I have been together for 11 years and have went through good and bad times. We are in it for the long haul and I know it is silly to even bring up the past.
But what if neither one of us had those things in our past?
If we had given our whole hearts to each other without all the past hurt and baggage.
If our children looked into our past’s to only find letters to each other, and not to other people.
I know neither of us can go back and change it. And really, even if we could I doubt we would. Our past experiences have made us the people we are today.
But I sure do want better for my children. I want their first loves to be their one and only loves that will last a lifetime. I am so very thankful my oldest daughter has vowed her purity, and I hope my other children will when the time comes as well. I will be open with them, and support them in any way I can. So maybe one day my grandchildren don’t open up yearbooks or old shoe boxes to find love letters from someone other than their mom or dad.
As an adult, I know I would have benefited from keeping my purity. With relationships come break-ups and betrayal. Then as adults we have baggage and past hurts that get carried over into all our future relationships. If you’ve ever been cheated on or mistreated, you know what I’m talking about. Something innocent could cause a fight, just because you’re expecting the same treatment.
When teenagers and young adults have lots of relationships, they become jaded and just don’t have as much of their heart to give when they do finally settle down and get married to “the one.” And then because we are so used to just breaking up with someone, we don’t know how to work things out. Divorce is so prevalent now, and I think a factor could be that we as a society just don’t put the time into our relationships anymore because we have become so accustomed to moving on when things get tough.
If you are a parent, have you talked to your children about purity and relationships? Or as a parent, would you want your children to walk the same path as you?
“Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.”
and Christian Mommy Blogger