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I Can’t Do It Alone

Thy Word Is Truth

Thy Word Is Truth

This pregnancy has been hard on me. I have been more tired than I remember with my other ones, and while I found out a reason and a solution to the physical exhaustion, I have allowed that to make me spiritually exhausted as well.

I’ve thought things I shouldn’t think. And allowed myself to go on thinking them.

I’ve said things I shouldn’t say.

I’ve had a horrible attitude.

I’ve fed the depression and anxiety instead of turning it over the The One who can help.

Daily, I have let the chores of keeping up the house and homeschooling my children become a burden to me. I have been trying to do it in my own strength. And the truth is I Just Can’t!

My life has been so busy. I’m in a busy season right now. And in order to make time for everything, I have cut out the most important thing. My daily prayer and Bible time with the Lord.

It’s now wonder I have been so overwhelmed. I haven’t been refreshing myself daily. I haven’t allowed the Lord to lead. I’ve been relying on myself.

And the truth is: I will always fail. I will always come short. Another truth: I don’t have to live that way. There is a better way.

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” -Philippians 4:13

Jesus Christ can and will strengthen me. He will lead and guide me. He will bear my burden. I just have to let Him.

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linked up at Rich Faith Rising and GoodMorningGirls.org

Reasons I’m Choosing a Home Birth-Part 2

homebirth

A week ago I wrote a post about some of the reasons I am choosing to have a home birth this time around. You can check it out here if you missed it. In that post, I gave some background of my previous births and four reasons why I am choosing to to give birth at home. Those reasons are based on my past experiences and are slightly medical in nature. Now I’d like to share a more personal reason that led to this decision.

A little over a year ago I had a miscarriage. At my 15 week prenatal appointment they couldn’t find a heartbeat with the doppler so they brought in an ultrasound machine to find it that way. I wasn’t worried, as it is often hard for the doctors to find my little ones heartbeats early in my pregnancies. But as soon as I saw that little body, and didn’t see a flutter where the heart should be, I knew. I knew before the doctor said anything.

Immediately I burst into tears. I had never imagined that I would have a miscarriage. I never realized how deep a sense of loss I would feel for this tiny person I hadn’t even met yet. There were so many emotions flooding my heart all at once. Grief. Sorrow. And shame. I was ashamed that my body couldn’t protect this helpless life that was inside me. I know that was an irrational emotion, but one I felt nonetheless. I remember not wanting to tell anyone. I didn’t want to see their looks of pity or hear their feeble attempts at comfort.

Luckily I had a friend I could go to that understood. She prayed with me and made me feel a little better, and when I left her house I was able to call my husband at work. He came home right away and we grieved. And he handled telling everyone because I just wasn’t able to. All I wanted to do was clean the outside of our house so I wouldn’t have to see the people inside.

My poor children were so understanding. Even now, a year later they talk about their baby brother who is waiting for them in Heaven. They were so sweet to me, cuddling with me in bed when I needed a hug. I am so thankful that I had them with me.

Later that day I went into the hospital for them to induce the miscarriage. The doctors had said I could wait and my body would likely do it on its own, but knowing that I was carrying my dead baby inside me was too much, so I called and they told me to come on in. They put me in a small room off to the side of the labor and delivery ward and started the drugs to ripen my cervix and start contractions. Many hours later, in the middle of the night, my angel was born.

The nurses were all amazing. My husband and I were able to hold our baby for as long as we wanted and say goodbye. We were given an infant loss package with a tiny little handmade blanket, foot and hand prints of our little guy, a grief journal and some other things. The journal really came in handy over the next few months as a place I could write out my thoughts and emotions. I will always be thankful for the support and love we were given.

Although I’m glad I got to have that experience there with the labor and delivery nurses and their hearts of gold, it was only a few doors down from where my other babies were born. A place that once held such fond memories of seeing my children for the first time now will always hold a memory for me of when I saw my angel baby for the only time. I saw the little hands that would never hold my own. The little feet I would never hear running down the hall. The little mouth I would never hear call my name. I know I will see him, perfect and whole in Heaven one day, but until then there will be a place missing in my life.

And that is why I want to have this baby at home. Away from a hospital that sees death as much as life. Away from the sterile lights and the busyness. Away from a place where my child and I are just passing through, but don’t really belong. We belong at home, surrounded by love and life. That’s the environment I want my baby to experience for the first time. Love. Warmth. Home.

linked up at Good Morning Mondays

3rd Trimester Exhaustion

Liquid Chlorophyll to beat pregnancy exhaustion

Liquid Chlorophyll to beat pregnancy exhaustion

I am barely into my third trimester, as of last week. And yet for weeks now I have been feeling run down and sluggish, with absolutely NO energy! I wasn’t expecting the exhaustion so early. In my previous pregnancies I have been good to go until about the last month. My energetic 2nd trimester was way too short, if you ask me.

At my last midwife appointment I brought up how tired I have been, and she checked my iron levels. Sure enough, they were much too low. I’ve been anemic before and so I was ready for the “take an iron supplement and eat lots of iron-rich foods” talk, but was surprised when she recommended something I had never heard of before. Liquid Chlorophyll.

Apparently, chlorophyll mimics iron in our body in that it increases red blood cell production. And according to my midwife, it will work faster than an iron supplement without the icky constipation side effect. So I decided to give it a shot. And guess what? It totally works! I’ve only been taking it a week and already my energy has returned. I mean, I’m not going to go out and run a marathon (I am 7 months pregnant after all) but my house and laundry sure are happier!

It makes sense, since iron is found in so many leafy green vegetables, and chlorophyll is where plants get their green color from. The only requirements are that the chlorophyll be from alfalfa plants. I don’t know why exactly this is important, but hey, it works. And you want to make sure that it isn’t the drops. It will come in a dark bottle that has to be refrigerated after it is opened. I take one tablespoon twice a day, usually in the morning and then again when I start feeling tired in the afternoon. My advice would be to mix it into a little bit of juice first, as it has a strong grassy taste.

I found a great one on Amazon. The brand is DeSouza’s, and it was a good price. I found that at first, it is hard to pour out and tends to make a mess, but once you get about a quarter of the way into the bottle that doesn’t seem to be an issue. An easy remedy would be to use a medicine dropper for the first few times. You can purchase directly from Amazon by clicking on this link:


Here is another one that comes highly recommended by my midwife:

 

Note: A small portion of any purchases made through this affiliate link will be used to bless my family. Thank you!

 

 

 

 

Reasons I’m Choosing a Home Birth-Part 1

First, let me give you some background. This will be my fifth baby. My previous 4 were all born in hospitals, the last 3 were actually born in the same room at our local hospital. While none of my experiences have been downright horrible, only one, my second birth, was actually a really good experience. Bringing a baby into the world is a miraculous event. Shouldn’t they all be good experiences? So with that said, here are my reasons for choosing to have a home birth this time around.

  1. I don’t want to be rushed! - If you’ve ever given birth in a hospital, you know that doctors have a time frame. Some doctors may be more lenient than others, but if you’re not progressing in what is their idea of an acceptable time frame, they will want to start with the interventions. My first birth wasn’t progressing fast enough, so I was given pitocin to augment my labor. It didn’t seem like that big of a deal to me at the time, but looking back I don’t know what the doctors were thinking. From my arrival to the hospital until my daughter was born was less than 16 hours. At what point during that did they think that 16 hours wasn’t good time for a first birth? My fourth birth was induced due to gestational diabetes (more on that in the next reason) and because the pitocin wasn’t working fast enough, they broke my water. Breaking a woman’s water in labor is a common practice but it comes with many risks. If the baby’s head isn’t low enough, the cord could prolapse (come out before the head) and then get compressed during a contraction, cutting off the baby’s oxygen supply. It also increases risk of infection for mom and baby. Because of the increased risk of infection, another time frame is put on labor and this time if the baby isn’t born in time, they will perform a c-section.
  2. I don’t want unnecessary interventions! - As you can see from the previous reason, just by putting birth on a time frame you are opening it up to a whole plethora of unnecessary interventions. At least they would be unnecessary if birth were allowed to progress on its own. When I was pregnant with my fourth I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I was put on insulin and had to give myself 4 shots a day. While I acknowledge the fact that gestational diabetes is a serious issue and should be treated as such, I have since come to question whether insulin was the right course of action. My blood sugar levels were usually lower than 145, although they wanted me to be below 120. And they didn’t get me in to see a nutritionist for 4 months! I’m sure it could have been controlled with diet and exercise had I been given better support. Instead I got insulin. Which led to induction and more interventions.
  3. I don’t want to be manipulated! - Because I had gestational diabetes with my last baby, the team of doctors I was seeing were constantly using fear tactics to try to get me to just go along with whatever course of action they wanted to take. The first doctor told me that I HAD to schedule a c-section at 38 weeks because my baby would be too big (due to the diabetes) to be born naturally. That didn’t fly with me because baby #2 was 9 pounds, 12 ounces and baby #3 was 10 pounds, 7 ounces. And they were both fast labors with no pain medicine. I am 6 feet tall, my body can handle big babies, thank you very much. So I changed doctors. My second doctor wanted me to induce at 39 weeks, which I wasn’t comfortable with. I did agree to go twice a week into the hospital so they could monitor the baby’s heartbeat and my vitals, and there was never any cause for alarm. Still, she kept insisting I get induced and told me that if I went over 40 weeks my placenta would deteriorate and my baby would die. Just like that. Even though my bi-weekly checks were showing everything was fine. If my placenta were really deteriorating, there would have been signs. My baby would have been stressed. But because I didn’t do my research and she kept up with the death talk, I agreed and went in on my due date for an induction. I knew it was wrong and I was crying as they hooked up the pitocin drip. Luckily my baby girl was alright, but it was the hardest and longest birth because she just wasn’t ready. And she was only 8 pounds, way lighter than my previous two.
  4. I hate epidurals! - I know, some of you moms are wondering how I could say such a thing. But I just do. I have had two epidurals, with my first and my fourth, so I know how great the pain relief can be. But I am always so paranoid that I will be that one in a million (or whatever the stats are) that end up paralyzed for life because the guy stuck the needle in the wrong way. Also, I hate catheters. They really gross me out, and you have to have one with the epidural. And, in my experience, it is much harder to push that baby out when you have to lay on your back and can’t even feel what’s going on. It is so much more tiring than being able to move around and work with gravity and your body’s sensations to get the baby out. Still, I know that in the heat of the moment, I will be asking for the epidural if I know it’s available. So better for me to stay home and not have it available.  I have to add-having a drug free birth makes you feel truly alive. You can feel the full power of your body and what it is capable of. And the second your baby is out, the pain really does disappear. God made our bodies to do this, ladies! And it’s a beautiful thing!

Whether you choose to give birth at home or in a hospital, each life is special and is meant to be celebrated. These are just my thoughts based on my research and experiences. What do you think? Have you ever or would you ever consider a home birth? Why or why not?

In Part 2 I will give a more personal reason for choosing a home birth with this pregnancy. I hope you will check it out.

linked up at Good Morning Mondays